ivana cobain 
ivana cobain 
On August 9th in 2013, my grandma's friend brought over a litter of puppies her dog had. My mom told me I could finally have a dog of my own after years of wanting one. The idea was that I would spend time with each puppy and choose one. The first puppy I picked up curled up against my neck and went to sleep. I knew right then that this was my puppy.
I knew I wanted to name her after something that brought me joy, but I wasn't sure what. At the time, I was wearing a Nirvana t-shirt, and I was really into the band. Since she was a girl, I decided to name her Ivana. As for a middle name, I chose Kurt Cobain's last name. We got her registered, and Ivana Cobain officially became my puppy.
It was a bit rough at first since this was my first ever dog. Dealing with the training and care as a young, untreated autistic teenager was intense. There were definitely a few meltdowns. That was all overshadowed, though, by the sense of joy and bliss I felt when I was with her.
Things were hard when Vana had her first seizure. We had no idea what was happening, and I was so scared that all I could do was have a panic attack beside her. My mom had to be the one to sit with her because of how bad I was panicking. We eventually learned that it was a seizure, and it's something Boston Terriers are prone to. She ended up having to take medicine twice a day for the rest of her life.
Vana was there for me through a lot of bullshit I dealt with. She even made friends with my alters before I integrated (even though one of them was more into cats.) I could always count on her to lift my spirits, either by cuddling or just being a goofball and cheering me up.
Vana's favorite toy was definitely a rope toy. We would throw it around the house and play tug-of-war with her. She also loved biting and chasing my feet when I was laying down on the bed. As for her favorite food, it was... well... food. She was a lil pig, honestly. She especially loved our food lol. She also loooooved to play with our cats (though maybe our cats didn't see it that way...)
At the beginning of 2025, her health began to decline. We found out that there was some sort of mass in her stomach, shifting her organs around. She also had a messed up dew claw, and it became gangrenous. We couldn't afford thousands of dollars for treatment, and we didn't want her to suffer, so we made the incredibly hard decision to put her down.
June 2nd was the hardest day of my life (that I can remember thnx dissociation /s). I'm glad I was able to stay by her side as she crossed the bridge. She went peacefully which is more than I could ask. We got her cremated so I could always have her with me. We got a cute urn, and I made a precious collage of pictures of her to put in the frame of the urn.
I'm so grateful that I was able to experience such a pure and unconditional love. I'm so thankful to Vana for choosing me has her owner. I will never ever forget my baby girl.